Dear Psychologist, I Hate You

 (This is sarcastic)

Brent Runyon’s memoir helped me remember how much I hate psychologists. I mean, could there be more annoying people on Earth? In my case, I was forced to visit not one, but several psychologists. I guess I am weird. Anyway, I can totally relate with the way Brent feels the minute he sees Dr. Rubenstein walk through his door. Or should i call her “Dr. Bitchenstein” (95) like Brent does? By what he tells, she really is a bitch: “Most people who come to visit me lean forward in the chair, but she leans away.” (49) God, I was really liking the characters in this book but Bitchenstein had to come along and ruin my fairy tale. That witch!

It is funny that most (if not all) of Brent’s thoughts while being with a pyschologist have ocurred to me before. “I wish she’d just leave me the fuck alone.” (59) I said this to myself infinite times while I looked at the Medellin’s amazing view through my psychologist’s window. “Dr. Bitchenstein is here to ask me about everything that’s ever happened and everything that ever will happen and to try to make me feel worse even though its not really fucking posible to make me feel worse at this point.” (95) I wouldn't be able to come up with a better way to explain how going to a pyschologist feels. Thank you Brent, it’s nice to know I’m not the only one with this kind of  archenemies.

            I must say that even with all my complaints, I appreciate pyschologists and the very difficult role they have on trying to make people happier or have less problems. Not everyone is willing to do this, for example I would never willing to solve extra problems aside from the ones i already have. For me, that would be like doing someone else’s homework. Crazy. In conclusion, i thank all of you psychologists out there and everything but I think Brent Runyon and i would agree on one thing: we dont need you unless you are going to solve our problems with real stuff. Ice cream, perhaps and make it New York Super Fudge Chunk.


Vocabulary:
gurney- (noun) a metal stretcher with wheeled legs, used for transporting patients